Snap Judgments for the Undeserving

Monday, November 29, 2004

What's neat about having a house:

Guess who was just at the door?? That’s right, the Jehovah’s witnesses!!

They were perfect, these two sweet middle aged ladies clutching their copy of the bible and a rolled up “Watchtower”. I was all prepared to give them my “I’m happy with my faith” spiel when it came out they were here looking for DAVIN. So instead I had to give them the “I’m pretty sure he’s also happy with his faith” add-on … they didn’t seem convinced.

This is what happens when your little brother invites them in for TEA … beware, they always remember the tea…

BONUS: Oooh oooh, if you go to "The Watchtower" now, you can learn about the evils inherant in phone sex!!! We knew it was dangerous and evil ... but not THIS dangerous and evil.

What is possibly the saddest part of this whole thing is that as I talked to them I just had this line from “Buffy” running over and over in my head:
Buffy (as she tries on different outfits for the club): “Hello! I’m an enormous slut! Or … would you like a copy of ‘The Watchtower’??”

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Happy Obsolete-Harvest-Festival day!!

Oops, I mean "Thanksgiving" ...

Breaking news: If you could tear your eyes away from the horror that was Lea-Ann Rimes crooning inspirational things from perched atop hay bales in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, perhaps you might have noticed this: The Borowitz Report has exposed that President Bush, in a shocking turn of events, pardoned the WRONG TURKEY!!
"President George W. Bush broke with White House tradition today, killing the ceremonial White House turkey and pardoning House Majority Leader Tom DeLay instead. "

Money Quote: '"I have political capital, and I intend to spend it -- first by killing, and then by eating, this delectable turkey,' Mr. Bush announced"

Kudos to Dad for amusing me with this!

Monday, November 22, 2004

Far too much time for introspection

My brain is a scary scary place. Yes yes, I'm sure any of my friends could have told me this long before now, however I tend to discover this when left alone with my thoughts for long stretches of time .... like, oh say when I'm driving from Pittsburgh to Milwaukee, for example...

After hours of not speaking to another human being it occurs to me that:
1. I might like to be a truck driver.
2. I should be able to drive, eat a salad, and pay tolls at the same time.
3. I wish that they had "lane control" to go with the cruise control so that I could more completely not pay attention to the trucks that I'm whipping by at breakneck speeds.
4. Ooooh trucks! Did I mention that I might like to drive one of those?

Also, either "Wicked" is a really good musical, or I just listened to it enough times (more than 7) that I got used to it and just can't be objective any more ...

Where the @$!#!*% have you been?!?

Hi .... I'm sure you are all relieved that I have re-emerged from the abyss into which I appeared to have fallen.

What I've been doing:
-finishing my job in DC...
-going to work anyway to do other, completely unrelated work...
-starting what is undoubtedly going to be a very very long freak-out about grad school applications
-finishing a Victorian gown (Inoui and I ROCK!!)
-making cow pillows (not kidding, but a long story)
-visiting the always-adorable Gigi in Pittsburgh
-raiding Ronson's apartment at weird hours in order to demand turkey sandwiches (thanks, by the way!)

And today I drove to Wisconsin!! I've been a busy busy girl ... but now I shall return to lavishing attention on my faithful blog readers ... as you all justly deserve (flattery will get me everywhere .... right?).

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Dan is vindicated ... and I am thwarted

Look, Dan finally got an un-really-gay name!! And here I was planning on calling him "Fancy Boy" for ever and ever .... I also love the "real estate agent" picture that goes with the ID card ... suave.
I know, "Captain Danger" would be better ... but you gotta go with what you get.

Sigh ... I thought I had such a good picture with which to create a new even-more-ridiculous ID card in order to mock Dan ... but instead I get a really great name. Fate is so cruel.

Apperantly you have to take the quiz ironically to get a good name:

**The resolution on the Dan-ballancing-the-rice picture isn't even that good ... alas**

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Last Day of Work!!

Today is my last day at the library. In celebration I have eaten far too many M&M's and now I feel a little funky ... but I suppose that's the price I have to pay for being a relentless party-girl.

Maybe I'll move on to these little chocolate bottles filled with booze that my boss brought back from London (that's about as racey as we librarians get) ... there's nothing like a little gin/chocolate combo on an empty stomach in the early afternoon.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Homage to my weekend...

I finally stopped being a dummy and got around to seeing "The Incredibles" this past weekend. As everybody should know by now, it was amazing, especially Edna Mode ... dah-ling ...

Their website is also a good time-waster - especially the "discover your superhero identity" game... Although I am less that pleased with my “super hero name” selected by the computer and based on my “abilities”

my "official super hero name"
I feel like I’ve just escaped from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Dyno Dudette?!? What’s my super power? Huge razor sharp teeth and tiny useless prehensile arms? Or perhaps blowing things up, while using my catchphrase of "Excellent"??

However, all is redeemed by my Emblem ... which is super cool:
My Emblem ... U is for "ultra"

Friday, November 12, 2004

I just can't get over....

This . It must defy several of the laws of physics … and I say good riddance! They were totally over-rated in my opinion. I also love how the Origami website give you detailed instructions about how to re-create him ... oh okay let me print them out and get right on that!

Who even thinks to make a rickshaw out of one piece of paper … honestly?

"There is no God for me but Vengeance!!!" -Count de Luna

Opera is awesome. Thanks to my “inside connections” (read: Christina, you rock!) I had the opportunity to see “Il Trovatore” at the Kennedy Center last night (with my hot dates, Connie and Dan)

It was great, and I’ve decided that the best part to play is actually the jealous Count de Luna. Not only did the baritone playing the count have an amazing voice, but he got to spout lines like: “I am exhilarated by my passion that shall soon be quenched*”. I’d take that over the famous aria the poncey troubadour (rival to the count) gets in the third act any day.

One thing Dan pointed out: at certain points in the opera, the characters seem to be transported from a civil war in Spain to the dreaded “fire swamp” from the Princess Bride. Jets of flame literally jumped from the floor at completely unexpected and random intervals … it was enough to make you wonder when the ROUSes were going to make an appearance.

Rodents of Unusual Size??
*okay okay, so I don’t remember exactly what he said, but if you get the libretto, I guarantee the real lines are much much better.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Pinko Commies Unite!

It is clearly going to be a silly silly day ....

Pinko Commies of the world, unite for pancakes!!


I am so clearly not doing my job...

The folks at Ge (who I think it can be safely said, have far too much time on their hands) have created a little online “drawing” program … because doodling on the internet increases productivity at work!!

After my first drawing (pictured below), I thought: This is stupid, and just like Microsoft Paint, why would anyone use this??

Ikea Wallpaper?
But, being a persevering young woman, I was not easily dissuaded from my doodling task … and then I discovered the option that lets you create this:
I now have the sinking suspicion that this might be at least slightly cool ...
And what's this "Draw with friends" thingie?? If only I had friends with which to try this out ....

I am baffled

I’ve finally found a use for these suckers … in Millinery*!!!
Accessories are so important in creating a classy look:
*mom, I promise I’m kidding, and you won’t see any of these in the Evil Lab.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

It is my duty

It is my moral obligation to relentlessly taunt Dan Rather ... and we thought all the fun was over after Rathergate!
Here are some election coverage quotes from last tuesday ... just imagine him saying these things dressed as an Afghani peasant for the proper effect.

My favorite: "One's reminded of that old saying, 'Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek.'"
So true, Dan, so true ...

UPDATE: No no, I lied, this is better: "We used to say if a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun."
What?!? wait ... is he talking about the French?

Monday, November 08, 2004

Addicted to the trim....

I don't know why I'm always surprised when I realize things like this - but I actually think that there is a vast conspiracy going on at the Montgomery Mall (and most likely every mall everywhere).
So, I'm getting my hair cut by Michelle, who, of course, manages to talk me into buying some blue goopy product that I don't really need. But this isn't the conspiracy. It is after I get the cut, and am already clutching the blue product that she says:
"You look really great! So, are you going to go shopping?? You should go shopping since you look so great!!" ... and I thought I DO look great ... hmmmm, maybe I need new shoes ....

So this is my question: Is the mall paying her off, or is this just part of what you have to do to be in the union??

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Just couldn't stop myself....

I decided that it might be a bit confusing (or just annoying, depending on the reader) if I continued my past practice of posting the progress of all of my various sewing and other creative projects on this blog. I was in a dillemma ... what's an innately crafty girl to do when she wants to share her projects, but not bog down her blog??

Clearly, fate was telling me to make another Blog!!! So, if you'd like to know what strange projects I'm currently working on, visit The Evil Laboratory.

NOTE: Currently The evil lab has only past projects already posted about on this blog ... but just you wait ... mwahahahahahaha

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

I just don't want to know ... EVER.

You know what this whole ridiculous process has made me decide: I like this country better when we collectively have no idea who’s in charge. It somehow makes the whole thing more bearable, it is like for a few brief moments (Ok that was optimistic. Um, as the Washington post today says “it could take weeks to determine the winner…”) we’re all united in our chaos, we’re all lost together in our leader-less limbo.

You know what, I think this debacle is actually bringing America together … figuring out who is actually supposed to be in charge is probably a bad idea, it will only make people unhappy. So I say let’s stay as we are: blissfully ignorant, and let’s face it, ultimately governed by the Supreme Court.

lalalala ... I'm not listening
I had great fun watching the election coverage last night (with a fabulous group of people, thanks to the ever-lovely Jodi and her hospitality), largely because as it turns out, watching Jon Stewart's election coverage keeps you about as well informed as CNN, with the added benefit of making you laugh so you can't cry. What did Jon say about the sad little clump of blue states on the top right of our country? That we're all going to be hiding there?? It's funny because it's true...

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Voting ROCKS

Actually, the best part of the whole thing may actually be the sticker:
(Mine isn't this cool,
I just have a piddling red "X" with I Voted printed beside it)

But of course I jest, the best part is standing in line and listening to the people around you. The girl behind me (for an hour, no less!) kept getting and making phone calls on the subject of a friend and this friend’s court date. Apparently “things were looking up” for the friend, until she totally didn’t show up at her sentencing this morning. Oops.

I voted at the “International Union of Operating Engineers” which was sort of interesting because I’ve always wanted to see inside the building. Turns out, their decorating theme can be summed up in one word: Collage. Oh yes, for every event held at the IUOE they felt the need to make an elaborate photo-montage. There is an entire hallway dedicated to this; it is honestly kind of creepy.

So there ya go, two reasons* to vote completely unrelated to civic duty … what more could you want?

*Okay okay, so maybe "being nosey" is technically only ONE reason ... but isn't it reason enough??

Monday, November 01, 2004

Thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder CATS...

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle event of yesterday touched off a bit of … gasp … 80’s nostalgia. You have been forwarned …

You know what I remember most about the early 80’s … besides trying to wear more than 10 headbands at the same time, that is?? Cartoons, of course!!

“Thundercats” was totally my favorite ….

You know you had a good Halloween weekend when ...

… You needed three costumes. Well, perhaps “need’ is a strong word, but I donned three costumes none the less.
for example:

(Nini and I are minions of the Underworld!! No wait, I'm a Genie!! (with Natasha, of Boris and...))

Also, Dan wore a set of silver sequined playboy bunny ears and matching bowtie in public. I think my life may now be complete.

One low point of the weekend: I gave out candy to little trick-or-treaters in my uncle’s neighborhood on Sunday night. They were all so cute, and I have to admit I was one of those annoying people who does the whole “... and what are you dressed up as??” thing instead of just shelling out the candy. Anyway, a little boy came up to the door in a turtle costume and I said “awwww, are you a Teenage-Mutant-Ninja-Turtle??" And he looked at me like I was completely insane and said, “um, I’m just a turtle … can I have some candy?”

Pardon, what did you say?? Old?? I’m not old!! Besides … I could swear the Turtles came back … but maybe that was a few years ago …